When I talk to parents, they often describe their teenager as “too dramatic,” “disrespectful,” or “always trying to pick a fight” or even “rebellious”. But after just a few minutes of reflection, many begin to realize something much deeper:
It’s not just the teen’s behavior rather it’s the parent’s past that’s showing up too.
And I say this with love and honesty and not as an outsider, but as someone who’s been studying psychology, working with parents, and growing up myself in an Indian household.
Let’s try reflecting with an example. Say your 15-year-old daughter slams the door after you tell her no to going out with friends on a weekday. You feel instantly furious. But why is the reaction so angry?
Sometimes, that door slam doesn’t just belong to her but it echoes a moment from your own teenage years: a time when you weren’t allowed to express anger or when your own parents dismissed your feelings without a conversation.
Now, her reaction reawakens your inner teen who never got to be heard. And so, you don’t just respond as a parent, you react from your old hurt.
In psychology, we call this emotional reactivation. It is when your child’s current behavior touches something unresolved in you. Indian parenting especially carries a lot of generational silence. We were often taught to suppress:
- Anger (because “good children don’t talk back”)
- Sadness (because “what do you have to be sad about?”)
- Even joy (because “don’t get carried away”)
So now, when your teens openly express those same things like it feels wrong, even if it isn’t. Try asking yourself: “Am I parenting this moment or reliving one?” “What did I need at this age that I never received?”“Is my anger here or is it coming from way back then?”
This is where reflecting and therapy can become so powerful. Once you recognize, you don’t need to be ashamed. You just need space to process it and someone to walk with you as you shift the pattern.Next time your teen says something that triggers you, pause for a few seconds. In your head, say: “This is a new story. I am not that child anymore. And they are not my past.” Then respond and not react. Your teen is not your parent. You are not the silenced child anymore.
You’re a grown-up now, learning to raise a child with more compassion than you were given. That alone deserves recognition.
If this blog stirred something in you, it’s not accidental. So many Indian parents carry pain they’ve never had time or permission to unpack.
You’re not alone. You’re not overreacting. You’re ready to begin healing.
And if you want support, whether you’re a quiet feeler or a fierce fixer, I’m here.